The Salt of MY Earth

I never knew buying salt could be so difficult. I'm not talking about buying gourmet sea salts or even reduced-sodium table salt. I'm just in need of some  plain old iodized table salt.

I'd been told to bring my favorite "spices" from home that, on any day when I'm feeling homesick,  would help me create familiar dishes and give me a break from the exotic flavors that accompany almost every meal we find in a restaurant. And I even listened. I packed a box of McCormick's finest which will be delivered when our shipment arrives. (Makes me think of the phrase, it's on a slow boat from China)

Unfortunately, I didn't include "salt" on that spice list. I just assumed everybody needs salt and salt is salt. Boy was I wrong.

For my first attempt at cooking breakfast, I found the salt shaker in the cupboard, and the first thing I noticed was the label: ENHANCED FLAVOR TABLE SALT.  And then in fine print were the words: CONTAINS MONOSODIUM GLUTENATE.

"Sweetie," I said, "Do you know this salt has MSG? We can't be eating this. Let's skip the salt today. Where's the pepper?"

He pointed me in the right direction and I read the label: ENHANCED BLACK PEPPER. But this bottle was trickier. The "MSG" was mentioned in very fine print on the ingredient label on the back.

The eggs were a little bland that morning. 

On the next trip to the store I sought out the spice aisle. The salt comes in giant 5 or 10 kg bags. (10 or 20 pound of salt.) Who could ever need that much salt unless he or she is the parent of a 5th grader whose homework assignment in to mummify a fish. (yes, I've been that parent.) Finally, I looked down to the bottom shelf I found several small 500 gram bags of salt. MSG was not listed on the ingredient label anywhere. Score!....I thought.

For my next meal I tried to prepare egg salad sandwiches with a trace of salt and pepper. My first bite told me that there was something wrong with this salt. It tasted and smelled like dead fish. Although it said there is no MSG and it had the requisite healthy iodine, the label said "Sea Salt." That must have been the problem. It came from a very fishy sea. I dumped the bad tasting 500 gram bag in the trash.

On the third trip to the store I brought Eric along. We both pulled out our reading glasses and examined all the fine print. We chose the salt with the following label: IODIZED ROCK SALT. SALT SO PURE, IT IS TASTY & HEALTHY. (no msg, no "sea" words,) Plus, the bag says it's "Imported" and "Quality assured." Could we believe what we read?

This evening, I tasted a little on my pinkie.

Drum roll, please.....

We're going to eat plain corn-on-the-cob tonight..